6 Practical Ways to Cope With Big Life Changes

Mourn the Past

During a life transition you will either try to cling to the past or push forward as if nothing happened. Neither of these are helpful. In fact, both will cause problems. By either leaving you stuck and making no progress. Or by having to process and deal with it years later.

Instead, you want to take some time to honor and mourn the past today.

Allow yourself to:

• Appreciate what you had.
• Mourn the future you won’t get to have.
• Feel the emotions of the past, the sadness of today and even the fear of the future.

How do you do this? Here are a few ways to start:

• Get a therapist. Sometimes what is going on is just too big to do by yourself. Having someone to help you name emotions, sort through what has happened and hold space for you will help you manage the anxiety-filled start.
• Let yourself sit with your feelings. This will bring up what needs to be acknowledged. And acknowledgement lets you start to move forward. Begin by asking yourself: What am I feeling right now? Then sit and feel the feeling that came up. If you want more guidance, I have a YouTube video on how to do this, the link is in the resource section.
• List out your fears. This will allow you to look at each one to determine if they are true, how you can manage through the fear and identify which ones you may need to take to a therapist for processing.

Understand the Past You Crave

After grieving the past, you may still find it hard to move on.

Often the struggle with changes is we miss a specific part of the past. But the problem with this is we can overidealize the past. Making it seem better than it was.

To better understand what exactly you are missing ask yourself the following questions:

• What do I miss? Be as detailed as possible, you may find that it is only one small part that you are longing for.
• Then take a hard look at if you really liked the past. Are you forgetting some of the harsh realities? Do you remember only the good moments but are ignoring the fact that you were unhappy?
• If you realize you do miss them, and they were good. Then explore how you can re-create that in a new way to achieve the same benefits. For example, you moved across country for a job and now miss family dinners. You specifically miss getting to slow down, cook with loved ones and reconnect. Can you do this by zoom? Can you join a dinner club? Keep an open mind as you look for alternatives.

Slow Down and Don’t Overreact

Reacting is often second nature when we are faced with the emotions of change. Instead of reacting, train yourself to take a quick time out.  Allow yourself to regroup and then handle the situation with clarity.

For example, during one of my cross country moves I was on the final day of packing, cleaning and preparing for the drive. And the power company shut the electricity off early. (In all of my 18 moves, never has a power company been early! 😅) And it was 103 degrees out.

Instead of panicking, I sat down on the floor (because the furniture was gone!) and did some deep breathing. Then planned out how I would accomplish everything with no electricity. I repeated this several times during the day as overwhelm would set in.

While the emotions were still intense because I was on a time deadline, the breaks allowed me to regroup and make things easier.

Self-Care is Critical

Make sure self-care is a priority. Times of change are stressful, and they will deplete you faster than your daily schedule. The last thing you need while trying to manage life’s changes is to burn yourself out too.

Taking care of your needs first will help you with all the unknowns that go with change. Even if it is just five minutes in the morning and five at night, that will give you a good start to your day and restoration for sleep.

Not sure how to get self-care into your day while trying to manage all your emotions? Check out my course that walks you step by step on how to create your own self-care routine.

Choose Change

Sometimes being the instigator of change is helpful. If change is going to happen, why not let yourself be the one who starts the change.

When is it a good time to do this? When you are in control of something that isn’t going well.

How do you decide if this is something for you? Pick out a problem you have been having. Then ask yourself: how else can I handle this? Is there a way that would work better?

You don’t have to rush this either. You can ask yourself those questions and then sleep on it. Then talk to a friend. And then journal on it some more. Especially if this is a big decision – you want to take your time.

Keep An Open Mind

We often don’t know the outcome of something until much later. If you judge something before you give it time, you are cutting off any chance of the change being positive. My grandfather used to say you have to give something new at least six months before you can make a judgement. Six months allows you to get used to the new and allows you to see below the surface of something.

Use this mantra to keep you going: Let me see how this goes.

After all you won’t know till you try!